There is golf at the Olympics. This is a mistake for many reasons but primarily that golf is a bad and very boring game. But what always surprises me is that this opinion is shared universally, even by the people most closely associated with the sport.
Runners will talk about how much they enjoy the feeling of wind in their hair. Boxers won’t shut up about the grace and art of their profession. Even soccer players can be moved to wax poetical about how enjoyable it is to be part of a truly great game.
But all golfers ever talk about is how little golf they hope to play. A typical pre-match interview will go something like this:
Some guy in a blazer: Great to have you here with us, what are your goals for the first round this morning.
Golfer: Well today I hope to play as little golf as possible. Mathematically speaking the course could be done in 18 shots but that is probably physically impossible. But ideally as close to 18 as I can get. Any additional golf is bad.
Blazer: What is your strategy for avoiding the golf.
Golfer: I have a guy who follows me around to help share the burden of all this damn golf. He is going to help me out by suggesting ways to avoid playing any more golf than we have to. Of course, I pay him but his real motivation is to bring this sorry excuse for a pastime to the speediest conclusion.
Blazer: Better you than me, but good luck out there.
Later that day
Blazer: Well, today wasn’t exactly your day.
Golfer: Yes, I had some bad luck and played much more golf than I needed to. This probably cost me a major prize but more importantly 40 minutes I will never get back.
Blazer: The 14th hole was particularly bad.
Golfer: Tell me about it. On that hole alone I played way more golf than my opponents. I am sure they are happy at my misfortune at having to play so much more golf while they themselves were finished playing golf.
I originally wrote this halfway through the Olympics. Now I see that New Zealand’s Linda Ko won the gold medal for the Women’s Golf, so maybe golf has some merit after all. She played the least golf out of the top 60 golf players in the world, which is brag-worthy and she looks happy.
I do not have a gold medal but I didn’t have to play any golf at all. I would not exchange places.